so yesterday i was in london and i tripped up at the tube station and was helped up by this guy so i told my friend
and just now my friend sent me a link to this craigslist ad
I AM IN DISBELIEF
Update: i have now procured a date
My dad would tell me that when we were little and people would say to him “wow, four daughters, that’s a lot of weddings to pay for” (because traditionally the bride’s family would pay for the wedding), my dad would respond with “well, we’re hoping at least one of them will be gay so we can split the cost with the other bride’s family”
He said people never knew how to respond
there’s a rumor going around my school that a girl in choir got suspended for fingering herself in class uh
ur school wins
1. Writers that unrealistically don’t kill anyone.
2. The right amount of death.
3. LETS JUST FUCKIN KILL THEM ALL BANG BANG BANG
so, in order, stephenie meyer, jk rowling, george rr martin.
The next time a man starts yelling at you, cut him off and tell him you just can’t talk to him when he’s being so emotional.
I have done this and can confirm that is a LOT of fun to watch them implode afterward.
sex is a lot like a hot bath
once you get your balls in the worst part’s over and you can get your torso and arms and stuff in
i’ve never had sex
Favorite Dan Howell Quotes:
- Because I was the human fucking embodiment of Winne the Pooh, I chose not to say anything
- I was waiting for Satan’s giant cock to erupt from the ground and fuck me up the ass
- Did I buy a fucking radioactive hamster?!
- I was unintentionally Jesus, that’s what I’m saying here
- So in conclusion, I would rather be anally sodomized by a cactus than go through US Airways again
- My esophagus must literally be the size of a squirrel anus